Desire for acceptance

I recently watched a documentary about World War II and then a film about Pablo Escobar, who blames his father for the fact that even though he achieved so much, his father never acknowledged him. And it dawned on me that these so-called killers, mafiosi or manipulative politicians just didn't have an easy childhood and that what they do is primarily to get approval from their father or love from their mother. And this is also true of very ordinary people who are trying to achieve something, because even if they do achieve it, they are not actually happy until they understand why they are doing it, what is behind it. Everyone should process their childhood, perhaps it would not be a bad idea to introduce compulsory therapies, because that is where the cause of many of the problems of today's society lies. What's your opinion on it, is it really that simple?

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Yes, in fact it is as you say, my friend, the most aggressive people with a tendency to Dominance don't really even crave money and power... they crave that recognition, that hug, which they either didn't get, or they did get, but either way it wasn't enough, either way it wasn't "adequate enough" in their minds. The question is "when will it be an adequate hug" and "who will give it to them"? It's an unprocessed CRUISE in which one believes that "he has it the hardest in the world", regardless of the fact that everyone, without exception, faces the harsh reality of Samsara (the cycle of life and death).

If you go further, you will find that the tools of "money and worldly power" are only the means by which these suffering beings who thirst for that "adequate embrace and recognition" draw attention to themselves... the means by which they tell us all, "I feel so abandoned and alone, and I am afraid to be alone!!! I need you to understand my fear, but I can't tell you straight out that I'm afraid because I'm ashamed of my fear, and because I'm ashamed I feel embarrassed, and because I feel embarrassed I can't be honest... I can't even be honest and say I need a hug... I'm afraid that if I confide in you, you'll laugh at me, you'll ridicule me, you'll humiliate me. You have always done this to me in the past... that's why I prefer to laugh at you in advance, that's why I prefer to mock you in advance in fear, that's why I prefer to humiliate you in advance... it's safer for me than facing you doing it to me again!!! Yes, on the surface I present my pain as an "accomplishment" that I have "achieved" over you, yes, my experience with you has taught me that if I don't elevate myself above you enough, you will, and I am better off "up here" than "down there". No no no, enough humiliation already!!! No one can get me down there anymore!!!

And if you don't like me the way I imagine you will, it will be only you who will force me to secure even more "power and money" to convince you through them that you will simply give me your favor and attention!!! For I will not allow myself to feel lonely again...!!!! No more!!! But even if I make you give me your favor and attention, I will not have enough, it will still not be enough, it will still not be "adequate" again, because the more of your favor and attention I get, the faster I will get used to it, the faster it will become commonplace, the quicker my self-esteem grows, the quicker I get tired of you, and of not getting enough of what I used to get, the more I want to get your favor and attention, the more aggressive and dangerous I am to you and to myself if you don't do what I want you to do! !! Yes, I am in fact blackmailing you that "if you don't like me, I'll just kill you"... Yes, I know it's a contradictory and self-destructive contradiction, but I don't know any different, and this mental setup is natural to me. Yes, I need you to blackmail you, but the fact that I need you I must not tell you, I must not reveal it to you, it is my little secret, because if you knew that I needed you, it would be impossible for me to blackmail you... and you would otherwise not notice me by yourself... Yes, I pretend that it is you who need me, and I consider it to be to my advantage that I am better at the art of pretending, because it is quite clear to me that if you could pretend as well as I can, you would certainly use your advantage as I do! !! I have my own previous experience with you, you can't fool me anymore!!! You can't just sit me down anymore!!! It's better if I saddle you!!!

Yes, of course I'm actually ashamed and I hate myself for my shame. Yes, I can't face myself, but to get along with myself, to put up with myself, to not have to think about the fact that I'm ashamed, I overeat and bribe myself with all sorts of other pleasures and conquests that can't satisfy me anyway, like your favor and attention... I convince myself that I'm better off than the rest of you, than those who are content with little. I lie to myself that the game is still worth playing, that the suffering I willingly undergo with you and the price I pay for it is worth it. Yes, of course, it's a mask in which I play a tough, unapproachable, dangerous, and influential man who is feared, who is better to have as a friend, because anyone who won't willingly have him as a friend can get revenge on this guy. Yes, of course I scare everyone else with what I'm afraid of. Yes, of course I fear the tough, unavailable, dangerous, and influential people who are fearsome, who are better to have as friends, because whoever won't willingly have them as friends can be avenged by these people. Yes, of course I long to be the most influential of them because I think then I won't be so afraid. Yes, of course I think I am better off than you because you are so naive that you have no idea how the world really works!!! You are so naive!!! If only you knew what I know!!! You would definitely have the security I'm working for!!! Yes, of course it's my mask. Yes, of course I have no real friends because everyone around me wears the same mask!!! Yes, of course we are afraid of each other because the fish that doesn't swim with the current will be eaten mercilessly. Yes, of course it all hurts me, and I'm not happy. Yes, of course, I am passing off my pain and unhappiness as something to be envied. Yes, of course, there are still plenty of fools who envy my pain and unhappiness. I have to convince someone it's worth it so I'm not alone in this mess. Yes, of course, I promise those fools that one day they will get where I have got to, and then they will be as happy as I am.

Yes, it's all a house of cards. I'm playing the same game with you that I played with my parents. It was normal in my family to hurt each other like that. I didn't value the love I got unconditionally because I was sure of it, and I would have been willing to do anything, repeat, ANYTHING, for the love that was conditional on me having to perform as expected for it... I depended on the love of my parent, who was better at recognizing my weakness and didn't hesitate to exploit it, because the love from him wasn't all that certain. This insecurity made the "love" of this parent a precious thing, for which I did not hesitate to sacrifice even the parent whose love I was sure of. The parent who put his conditions and expectations on me, whose uncertain love I wanted so much, I had to keep convincing him that I loved him (and you have to convince me of the same, it's your job to convince me). The only thing that convinced him of my love was that I simply fulfilled, without demur, all that he wanted me to do, and that was WHATEVER... In front of my parent, whose love I was certain of, I was again not allowed to admit that I loved him because if I did admit it, he would immediately think that his love was "sufficient" and I could not then claim "more adequate love" from him and all that he was supposed to fulfill for me. I would thus lose the same "advantage" over him that the other parent had over me. So I have come to the conclusion that the one who is not careful and loves others recklessly, carelessly, and unconditionally risks losing control of it all, risks not having his love returned, and thus risks hurting too much in return. I'm certainly not such an idiot as to take that risk repeatedly, and willingly at that. I'm going to be damn careful about what I give to whom, and what I get back in return, and alas, if it's not, when I recalculate, okay!!! So I started with the useless idiots I can always do without, and I started looking up to the intelligent people who can play with other people's feelings so that they "get something out of it", who can calculate what they're going to get out of it nicely in advance so that no one ever figures them out again, who "know their way around it", who are just plain clear about it.

So you see, that's me. Now you see why what is natural to me is natural to me. I have become a master at the art of recognizing, and exploiting, that same weakness in others. That art has become more important to me than myself. And you are here now instead of my parents, and it's not personal, because I only treat you the way I treat myself. On the surface, I pretend I don't need you, but the truth is, I can't imagine doing this without you... because it just wouldn't be possible without you. Do you have a better idea of how to avoid pain and what else to do here? Someone tell me! And if you don't, don't look, and shut up!!! You want to play this game with me! So why are you still staring at me? Don't stare anymore!!! I know without your staring that as much as I hate myself, I hate you!!! I'm here because we want it together!!! It's not that I got here by accident!!! I repeat, without you it would not have been possible!!! And you still hate me for what you wish for yourselves!!! This is ingratitude!!! You are worse than my parents!!! Understand, I can't get out of this anymore simply because I would be considered an idiot in front of myself, and I simply can't afford such a public defeat in front of myself!!! No no no, I'd rather do everything I can to make idiots of you, you can't blame me, that's just the way nature works, it's who's who, don't blame me, I didn't make up the laws of nature!!! You're the ones who wanted me to make you the idiots!!! It's you who keep asking me to do it!!! So don't look at me anymore!!!"

So you see, my friend... This immense suffering is present in every subjectivity in which UNKNOWING is present, and such is the measure of UNKNOWING, such is the measure of Greed, Envy, Jealousy and Hate, such is the measure of this suffering, because such is the measure of UNKNOWING, such is the measure of HATE that every being who is subject to UNKNOWING carries in his HEART. The only possible way out of this vicious circle is SELF-LOVE in the sense of Willingness to END one's own Ignorance, i.e., Willingness to KNOW, i.e. V + OT + Z = ZERO = PAST (v - arises, OT - moment lasts, Z - ceases), which means that for every composite phenomenon (car, body, friend, enemy, parent, lover, property, cloud in the sky, etc., etc., etc., etc., just EVERYTHING) is "arises, the moment lasts, and ceases", which means that "no one ever gains anything permanently by any effort or endeavor". That is, anyone who is subject to their own UNCONSCIOUSNESS is naturally subject to suffering because they are subject to repeated effort and striving to create that which they are CONSTANTLY and repeatedly MISSING. That is to say, anyone who is subject to his own UNKNOWING is naturally subject to suffering because he is subject to the repeated effort and striving to destroy that which he constantly and repeatedly Passes by. That is to say, everyone who is subject to his own UNKNOWING is naturally subject to suffering because he is subject to and repeatedly grasps that which cannot be permanently held. That is, everyone who is subject to his own UNCONSCIOUSNESS is naturally subject to suffering because the repeated grasping of that which cannot be held permanently will not bring lasting happiness to anyone. That is to say, anyone who is subject to his own UNKNOWING is naturally subject to suffering because, by virtue of his UNKNOWING, he wishes to "maintain his suffering" by repeatedly trying to find lasting happiness in that which is perpetually passing away...

May All Beings be happy!!!

With love and respect

Lumír Láska ♥ Buddha Maitreya